Blended Confessionals Volume 2: Language Barriers

Today’s topic is on dealing with our ability to
speak, read and write different languages –
where they overlap, and more importantly, where they don’t.

This is a difference that I have realized more recently on our travels, and it’s a blog post I’m writing without Damian’s input or review, so there may be an edit coming later with his POV and/or disagreements.

One of the biggest things I have realized during our time in Brasil thus far is how few people speak English; by some estimates only 3% of the population speaks English fluently vs. the 99% who speak Portuguese. Now I know some people may be like, duh, obviously Jyoti, but I didn’t realize how dramatic this stat would feel while being here. Even when we are in hotels, AirBnBs, on “touristy” excursions, at restaurants, etc. it is very rare to find a service-person that speaks English. I am beyond lucky to be traveling with a native Portuguese speaker (just one of the reasons I am so lucky that Damian is my husband!) but my inability to converse with most people I meet in Brasil still been a challenging aspect of our trip for me.

So that got me thinking about my and Damian’s language abilities overall and how it relates to our travels. We both grew up bilingual – Damian spoke Portuguese and English growing up in Brasil and my parents raised me to be fluent in both English and Hindi (my first word was actually in hindi – hathi – which means elephant). We also both studied languages in school growing up and so I have a “can-kind-of-get-by” mastery of French and Damian has the same of French and Spanish. Up until now we have had a few different language situations during our travels: places where we both are fluent (e.g., Australia) and places where neither of us are fluent (e.g., Greece). During this trip we added another situation to our arsenal: a place where one of us is fluent and the other is clueless (Brasil, duh). And thinking through these “language barrier” situations, I thought what better than to explain how we react to them than a trusty consultant 2×2 chart, see below.

Top right box: Places we are both fully fluent

This is, of course, the easiest situation for us and really it’s only English-speaking countries that fall into this quadrant. We have been to London, Lulworth (UK) and Australia (and a bunch of places in the US) that fall into this category. I think the biggest reason this goes well is that we both feel complete freedom – we can talk to almost everyone we meet, ask for directions (even when the other is sleeping or not in the mood to), we can both participate in making plans and talking to hotels, tour operators, etc.

So what do we do? Nothing special, just act like our normal selves!

Bottom left box: Places where neither of us know any of the words

This is also a pretty good area for us, though, to admit, we haven’t had much experience with it. I think the reason we do well here is because we again are on equal footing in terms of freedom. We can laugh at ourselves when we have no idea what we are doing, and try to guess what road signs, etc. mean. To be totally transparent, the places that we have been that fall into this category are also places where the locals have had a strong knowledge of English – the Maldives (because we were at a resort) and Greece. I’m postulating that, coming up on this trip, Madagascar (~20% English speakers) and parts of Italy (~30% English speakers) will be places where we are in this situation again.

So what do we do? Not much special. As mentioned, this hasn’t been a big issues since there has been a lot of English in the places we both don’t speak, but based on how well we approach things as a team in unfamiliar or difficult situations I don’t anticipate this being an issue.

Bottom right box: Places where Jyoti knows the language but Damian does not

So we haven’t explicitly traveled to a place like this yet (it will be India when we get there) but we’ve definitely had a taste of it. Damian and I had an Indian wedding and, as part of that, we spent quite a bit of time in “Little India” – Edison, NJ. There is a main street there called Oak Tree Road where, if you walk down it, you feel like you are in India. Every store is an Indian jewelry store, or Indian clothing store, or Indian grocery store, etc. When we would go here to buy our outfits or get tailoring done or finish other tasks for the wedding, most of the vendors were Indian immigrants p and so I would go into Hindi mode to do the discussing and negotiating. Sometimes I started speaking with them in Hindi from the beginning just to build a rapport for the eventual sale. We also occasionally encounter this situation when we are with my family friends, as they are all used to speaking Hindi when we are together. Though that has become less common because many of the family friend “kids” that are my age have married non-Indians. 

So what do we do? The reason I marked this situation as medium in the box above is because Damian is chill as hell. He doesn’t really get bothered by not knowing what is happening exactly in the moment it is happening, and because he is so patient he is happy to wait until a transaction is conducted or until a proper pause in the conversation to be filled in. I often feel bad in these situations because I feel like I am leaving him out, but it isn’t a big deal to him and so I try to remember that and be as chill about it as he is.

Top left box: Places where Damian knows the language but Jyoti does not

Okay, okay, here is where we get to the big kahuna of this post. I will admit, this is really, really, very challenging for me. As mentioned above, only 3% of folks in Brasil speak English and so I have not been able to be part of most of the conversations here. I am someone that likes to understand what is happening and have input into making a decision (people who know me well are saying obviously to themselves here); and to not be able to fully participate in that is frustrating for me. For example, when we have set an “anchor” on one of our walking tours and have to ask a local for directions or pros and cons of different routes there Damian has to do all the talking. Usually he is really good about explaining all that was said to me and then discussing what to do with me, but that can also be tedious and it gives away to locals that we are not fully Brasilian, which can be less safe (note: everything has felt safe to us so far but we figure better to be super safe vs. sorry). So sometimes he’ll just give me a one or two summary of what was said and ask what I want to do, and I just do not do as well with that.

Damian is also super excited to be in Brasil and speak Portuguese and feel immersed in this culture again, which I totally understand because I feel that way when I am in India as well. And since Portuguese is his native language he will sometimes pronounce street names, store names, etc. in Portuguese. The way characters sound in Portuguese is really different from how they sound in English or even Spanish – the language overall is much softer and mushier in a way (“t”s for example are not a hard sound, but more like a “ch” as in “cherry” sound) and so it is harder for me to follow when hearing it. By the way, I can’t wait to hear Damian describe what full-on Hindi sounds like when we go to India one day. I also get a bit frustrated in this moment, because even though he has no intention to make me feel this way at all, I feel a little bit left out.

So what do we do? Well, the first thing I do is take a deep breath and remember how grateful I am to be with Damian on this trip. I’ve mentioned it before, but I don’t know if I would be able to enjoy this trip without him by my side. Of course that is true because we are in love and have such a blast doing whatever we do, especially traveling together, but in a purely utilitarian point of view, I wouldn’t have been able to do even a fraction of what we have done without his Portuguese abilities. So, I try to remember that.

And the second thing I do, if I’m being honest, is get frustrated and quiet for a little bit, because it takes me some time to calm the feelings and understand the root of why the language barrier is frustrating me more in the moment than usual.

And third, I tell Damian what is bothering me. If we are with a vendor or something I will pull him aside and ask him to explain to me what is happening, or, if he pronounces something in Portuguese I will simply to say to him “I don’t like when I can’t understand you” and he will say it again more slowly or explain why the pronunciation is the way it is in Portuguese.

Fourth, I use the Google Translate app so Damian doesn’t have to explain everything to me. My favorite part of the app is that you can take a picture or point the camera at some Portuguese text and it will translate it for you in real time. This has been really valuable when we are in restaurants and I don’t have the patience to have Damian explain everything to me (read: I am hangry). I’m sure part of the reason I struggle in this situation is because I feel like I have very little control and being able to do a little thing like be able to understand a menu or a simple sign on my own makes me feel much better.

And finally, sometimes I just let it be. For example, when we are taking an Uber Damian will often chat with the driver, learning about the driver’s background, discussing the route, talking about how São Paulo has changed over the years, etc. And I take that as an opportunity to tune out, to visually take in our surroundings and maybe even get a little nap in. At times it can be very relaxing to not know the conversation happening around me and to get a little bit of Jyoti-in-her-own-head time.

Ok, so I basically took 1,900 words to tell you that Damian is the most chill human ever (don’t worry, he has his faults as we all do, this just isn’t one of them) and that I struggle when I can’t understand / be part of what is going on around me.  Perhaps this was more of a cathartic journal entry for me than anything else? Regardless, I’m sure this is an issue we will revisit in different ways during the ~4 weeks we have left in Brasil as well as when we hit Madagascar, Italy and other countries. We’ll keep you posted on how it’s going!